Rebuilding

Approaching a whole new year, for a quick second I think about the things that I didn't get done. The Lord gently redirects my thinking to what it is I have learned and what kind of a person have I become. Becoming His overrules any amount of things I can do. 

This year started with a rough re-entry to the States from Africa. Although it was great to be home, it took me several months to fight back the tears, transition into working as nurse and catching God's plan for me back home.  He blessed me with a brand new car, and a great paying job. This was the start to a year of work and getting a feel for the "normal" American life. That to me is one if the hardest struggles. I was trying to stay on fire, desperate and poor in Spirit even though I was being blessed with all materialistic things I could ever want. The Lord, as he so faithfully does, was testing me and continues to do so. I feel like he blesses us and gives us the desires of our hearts and stands back, smiling and watches with anticipation to see what all I am going to do with that blessing. He wants us to unashamedly enjoy it. Am I going to horde it? Become unsatisfied and ungrateful? Bury it in the ground in an attempt to save it?  Will I waste it? Or will I bless others? Will I freely give as I have freely received? Will I ask Him how I can bless the multitudes with what He gave me? There is so much joy in giving. The Lord has been teaching me that "it's not so much about how much I own, but how much my possessions own me" - Loren Cunningham. We don't have to be ashamed to have great blessings, but how tight are we hanging onto those?

As the other posts from earlier this year give a deeper insight into what the Lord has been doing the last couple months, I will jump ahead to where I am at now and  the clean slate of 2012. I will start with a question that has been burning inside of me. Do I serve the Lord for results or do I genuinely want to just find Him in the process? I am reading a book called, "66 Love Letters" by Dr. Larry Crabb. This book is a dialogue with the author and God as the Lord reveals his loving heart through each book of the Bible. Can I really say, " all I want is You?" Am I willing to lay everything aside...loosen my grip on EVERYTHING? Learning to be unconditional in my love to Him has been then biggest theme this year as he has brought me into very uncomfortable, unfamiliar vulnerable places to show me my weaknesses so that from there I may find my true joy and worship with a heart that is leaning hard on her Beloved.

Plans for 2012? Well, I feel a strong desire to go back to Mozambique this year to volunteer as staff for the school that I went to fall of 2010. I am looking to apply mid- January and pray into that more. If it's the Lord's will, I will leave end of May for 3 months or so. If I go, I really want to lead an outreach team to possibly Sudan or maybe Congo if the Lord wills. With that, my dear friends are adopting from China and really want me to join them in picking up their precious package!!!! I am more than honored and plan to pursue this as well as possibly visiting Jacky Pullinger's ministry while I am over there. We shall see what the year holds! I am very excited for whatever it may be.  The Lord has great great things ahead and I want whatever He wants for my life.

In the book that I mentioned before, you really feel the heart of God as he understand how in Chronicles he freed his people to return to Jerusalem after years of exile and ungodly kingship with one mandate, to rebuild the temple. In the dialogue the author has with God, he hears God's heart saying, 

"When my people were released from captivity and permitted to return home, they arrived in Jeruselum with one mandate: to rebuild the temple. But they had no king, no homes, and limited resources.  They were strongly tempted to reorganize themselves with the wrong priority in mind, to rebuild their lives, I told them first to rebuild the temple. I understand- as you do as well- how emptiness and hardships can lead people to redefine worship as living right now in the hope that life will go right. But I want my people to live right now for the joy of knowing Me and in anticipation of what I yet will do. When you find yourself in the desert, draw near to Me, not with an entitled spirit but in confidence and hope. You will discover that hope only in My Presence. Therefore, devote your first energies to rebuilding the temple, not your lives. " 

I walk into the New Year with only one resolution. I want to find Him. I want to rebuild my temple, my inner place of worship, my eternal being so that holiness is my desire. I want to be purified, refined, brought lower still and confident that I am in the center of His will for my life. I don't want to fool myself into thinking that what I think is best is really what He thinks is best. 

His grace is sufficient for me and for you. May you all freely and confidently lean on Him this year as you travel the narrow path to eternal Joy.

Happy New Year!

The barefooted path

Where to begin--- 
These last couple of months have been an incredible time. I am so blessed to be living in such a time as this. I am eating up the precious times of getting to know my amazing house mates, my family, my church family and old/new friends. I am enjoying working part-time and being involved with my church community. Our church had an incredible time of breakthrough in the last couple weeks as we have pressed in to make the One Thing..well our "one thing". There has been an increase in excitement, freedom and grace as we have returned to the power of the cross. We have had an revelation of the simplicity and power of the Gospel as we have stepped out in faith and hit the streets with the raw real Gospel and left the rest up to Jesus. We have seen almost 30 people come to Christ in the last couple weeks!! People are just waiting for the Body to be bold and step out and see people be blasted in love with the truth of who God really is. I was brought to my knees with tears in my eyes as three people this last Sunday came to the front to get prayer and confess that they had just received Jesus into their lives. Tears freely fell as I watched the body gather around them and celebrate and support them in the best decision of their lives.
If I could describe this season that I am in now, I would say that the Lord has me in His haze. I feel His presence but yet have no idea what is next and what is to come. It is a challenging tension because I feel the pull of wanting to commit everything to sharing the Gospel and sharing his love to the streets but at the same time I feel the most grace and draw to just rest and be in His presence. I find myself just wanting to read, and soak up anything about past revival or heroes of the faith that I can get my hands on. I just want to rest and really be constantly filled with his love and compassion. I am starting to grasp, with fighting to put all shame and condemnation aside, that rest is a weapon.  Heidi Baker says, "I would rather lay down and look like a fool than try to stand up in my own strength."

I am learning that His presence is truly all that I want. I am finding such joy and tangible presence through worshipping in this haze. It is here that my worship has become purified because it is here in this mist that I can finally say," You are all I want." 

In this place of laying everything down, I am realizing places that I have walked in fear of man. I am learning (slowly but hopefully permanently) to really go slow and ask the Lord what to put my hand to. I have been so involved for so many years that my identity has been wrapped partially in what I do. If it takes hiding away for months or even years to truly grasp the heart cry of David, " One thing I desire and I seek is to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. "(Ps. 27) then it is worth it to me.

I have just read the "Final Quest" by Rick Joyner and in it he encounters many people of the faith that have died and are now in eternity. Over and over again the advice that they give him is to love the people, walk in humility and love, don't get caught in an organization that you forget the people, and most importantly don't let the "One thing" every become anything other than number one in your life. I think this is something that we will never officially master here in earth. This life is about a constant surrender and refocusing on our one-to-one status with our true Love. Another author Peter Greig in his book, "Red Moon Rising"  says one of his greatest fears was:

 "what if the Lord packed up and left today and we didn't notice until tomorrow or the next day?" 

What if were are so wrapped up in agenda that we don't even realize when the Holy Spirit comes and goes? I have decided to pray the dangerous prayers and lay anything and everything down in order to never miss out on the true agenda.

 I am realizing that I frequently wait on God and draw near in order to see what is next for me... "what am I going to get out of whatever it is you have me doing?" He is putting me in a place where there is no stronger pull than to be in His presence right now. I long to be missional in everything I am apart of whether it be work, hanging out downtown or in my everyday interactions with the people around me so that His real love is portrayed through my surrendered life. I am learning to lay down my rights. My rights to be married, travel, be apart of  a ministry in another nation, or even be in any sort of leadership in order to receive his gift of grace that comes from walking in humility.
I read this passage in a book by Loren Cunningham (the founder of YWAM) and it sums up what I am feeling and wanting more of:

"God promised Joshua that "every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you. God didn't say the sole of his shoe but the sole of his foot. Being barefoot is the sign of humility, of having given up all. To the barefoot, God promises possessions of the nations, to rule and reign with Jesus, the returning King of kings and Lord of lords."

He goes on to say that, "Jacob wrestled with God- was wounded at the hip and became a Prince, a leader of a nation...but he limped for the rest of His life...every strong man or woman of God has gone this route..the choice is yours: remain in mediocrity and miss out on God's greater purpose for your or walk with a limp and be a prince.."

This has opened my eyes to the power of humility. Jesus laid down every single human right that we have a sense of entitlement to. He isn't asking us to give up anything that He didn't give up.  He knows the price but the reward is eternal and completely fulfilling. The enemy wants to keep us busy and full of pride so that we wont lay down what we have for the greater...the inheritance and plans of our Father.

"The Lord is closer to the homeless than to kings- you only have the strength to the degree that you walk in the grace of God. He gives grace to the humble."

 - another quote from the "Final Quest"

It really shows how the kingdom is an upside down kingdom where the first shall be last and the last shall be first. 

"The more confidence you lose in yourself the more confidence you will have in Him" - The Final Quest- Rick Joyner

Release the sound

It was such an honor to be able to worship in Turkey and be apart of this 100 hours of prayer and worship. God is about to explode here and it was such a treat to help unlock some doors in the spirit. We led a three hour set as well as a two hour set. Both sets flew by. For me personally, I was able to step out of my comfort zone and truly freely worship. I was so excited to worship with everyone and I had such anticipation for our sets. I usually don't lead, but the Lord really stirred me up to release the sound in me. I felt such a grace and empowerment to sing out spontaneously and be bold with it. I definitely felt a new release inside although I can't fully put words to it. I do know that I am very encouraged to let my song come out more often and with more zeal and passion. The power of our voice is something the Lord is really showing me.

As we released what is inside of us it was such a powerful thing to receive what is inside of all these laid down lovers who are committed to this country. We had several great prayer times of receiving the Turkish blessing, if you will:) If it wasn't through the prayer it was through the stunning beauty everywhere! There were gorgeous mountains, the beautiful green/blue clear Mediteranean sea that we got to swim and snorkel in, waterfalls, and hikes to ancient ruins everywhere. Most of all we were incredibly blessed by the Turkish people and there hospitality.

 I can't express all the emotions and the inner gratitude I have felt being here. There was so much done in the Spirit that I can't put words to.  I have enjoyed this time and how much of a dream come true it has been to travel with some of my favorite people ever! I pray that this is just be the beginning. I can't even wait to see what all unfolds in the near future. It was such an honor to partner with hungry laid-down lovers who have given up everything to see God move and come and encounter his Turkish bride.

  As we hiked up to these eternal flames that have been burning for more than a thousand years, I realized the spiritual flames that have been burning in this rich land for two thousand years. We roasted marshmallows and hotdogs over the eternal flames that can't be found anywhere else in the world. I am believing this is a prophet sign of the nations that will come to Turkey to feast and be warmed by the supernatural flames of the Spirit. The seven churches of Revelations were all in Turkey, every one of Paul's mission journeys went through Turkey, 70% of the New Testament was written to or from this land. There are 70 million people in this country yet maybe 1,500 believers. It was so powerful and encouraging to stand inside of these 1,500-2,000 year old churches still standing on the hillsides and praise the Lord and say, " We are still here, Lord. We haven't forgotten you" and contend for restoration in this land. This land is so ready for a fresh outpouring!

You have probably heard of the earthquake that has hit eastern Turkey the day after I got home. It is so sad to hear this, but I am praying that a wave of His love comes and causes a nation-wide unveiling of the power of His love. I pray that this stirs them deep within to cling to Jesus the true prophet and release the powerful rich song from deep within.

Thanks again for your prayers during this time. Love you all!

A meal our Turkish family cooked for us one of our first nights

My beautiful mother and I in front of the waterfalls in the middle of the city

Traditional Turkish women cooking for us... so hospitable!

Eating some deliciousness that the neighbors spent hours making for us (fresh bread, cheese and parsley)

Worshipping and dancing over the city of Antalya- we had a view of the mountains and the Mediterranean Sea from the "Burn"

Worshipping in a 1500 year old church

The port that Paul sailed into 

Kelsi and I by an ancient well on one of our hikes

eating the fresh "doner" or the chicken/beef/or lamb wraps with fresh pita bread and veggies

Me with the the eternal flames ( tongues of fire) over my head....may it be prophetic of what's to come :)

Our Walla Walla team

Some of the 1500 year old ruins

Roasting mallows and hotdogs over the eternal flames that have been burning over 1,000 years

My friend Anabel who lives with the missionary family we stayed with. She teaches their kids.

One of our worship sets at the "Burn"- the 100 hours of prayer and worship

The original gate to the old city of Antalya that Paul walked through

Miracles, miracles, miracles

Wow- Im not home yet, but I thought I would give another update and start it off with the best! As I mentioned, we were apart of 100 hours of prayer and worship. There were some local Turks that were able to be apart and do several sets. It was such a beautiful thing because they have suffered much persecution for what they believe in and to join in worship with them was such an honor. One of the men on that team had a sister that was deathly ill. She had one bad kidney and just three weeks prior she had one removed that was spreading an infection throughout her body. She was dying. Her brother had asked all of us to pray for her (we didn't meet her for she lived several hours away and she wasn't a believer). We prayed one of the first days we were there and after a couple days on the last night, he came back in tears and grinning ear to ear and said that his sister had a vision/dream of all of us praying and worshipping with fire on our heads. She then saw a hand give her a brand new kidney. She woke up and felt completely healed! She went to the doctor and he asked if she had already had an implant of a new kidney. God gave her a new kidney and showed her the people that were praying for it! He is so good. She then said she wanted to know more about this Jesus. As a team, we kept hearing the phrase, "miracles, miracles and miracles". I truly believe this is the beginning of the salvation for this girl, her muslim family, and her city. This is just the beginning of hundreds of miracles here in this land! So many people's faith was built up from this and I can't even wait to see the miracles that spread because of this one testimony. I love how God works. HALLELUJAH.

Turkish Delight

Merhaba (Hello in Turkish)

Week one flew by here in Turkey. God is just amazing! It feels so great to be back in the nations! I am so honored to be here. I am so glad to be able to pour out what the Father has been pouring in. It is always a step of faith believing that it is all in there. Everything that he wants me to give away is already inside of me(and you :)). This is my first trip where the main assignment is to just worship vertically with the Father and agree with what he is already doing here in this nation. We have had the honor to be apart of 100 hours of prayer and worship for this nation. Our team did two 2-3 hour sets of worship and prayer and it was such an honor to pour our hearts out and do what we love doing in order to see God pour out a fresh outpouring here. There are people here from all over the world coming together with one thirst for this nation. God has really given me more boldness with singing out the song in me. I am so stirred up to play and sing more back home in the prayer house and see what God is going to do through that!

This place is so beautiful! We were able to get our first swim in the beautifully warm Mediterranean yesterday. Over 70% of the Bible was either written to or from this nation and today we were able to see the old city and the port where the Apostle Paul came in and out of. I have been so blessed by the people here and their genuine hearts of service. We have had feasts with the neighbors in the village we are staying at as well as some great prayer times with the team we are here serving.

As my eyes are being opened to the culture, this Islamic religion, and the amazing hearts of the Turks, I am seeing how much the Father loves his Turkish Bride. I will continue to contend for breakthrough and believe that there is so much taking place in the spirit. Please pray for the Turkish Bride that this is the beginning of a cultural and nationwide breakthrough as Papa's love becomes more and more real to his kids here. 

I have had such delicious food. Lots of cucumbers,fresh bread, green peppers, tomatoes, parsley, egg plant, delicious chicken. Also incredibly huge and fresh pomegranates falling off the trees right out the window! We have had freshly squeezed pomegranate juice as well as a liquid yogurt that they drink called "ayran". A lot of yogurt, turkish delight ( I didn't think i would like it but it is really good!) fresh bread, olives, and other fresh fruits ad vegetables. I could get used to all of this real quick :)

We also went on a hike to an ancient city just behind their house where there are buildings still standing from 1500 years ago from the Greeks. There were even some old Roman pillars that were at least 2000 years old still standing too. We found a couple old churches with mosaic still noticeable on the ground. It was such an incredible honor to worship on those grounds to the God that is still there and still so good! 

Wow, what a treat it is to be here. I am just blown away. We will be having some more time with the team tonight to pray over them and bless them as much as we can. Welp, I will post some more (with some pictures) as I get home and process some more. Thank you to all who are praying for me and the team. So excited to be here! 

Sweet taste of hunger

Well, where does the time go? God is real good. Since I last posted I have been able to cut back on some hours at work as well as be apart of the SOS clinic that provides free health care to the community. I also got the time off to travel to Turkey Oct 6-20 and minister with some of my favorite people ever.  We will be apart of a five day continual prayer and worship as well as practically helping out and ministering to the team that we will be staying with. I am very excited to see God move over there!

It was a priveledge and honor to be able to share my heart two Sunday's ago with my church family. I have been really stirred up about dwelling in a state of desperation and deep hunger for more of the Lord. It is such a dangerous place to become complacent and numb to the work of the Lord. I know that settling into a job creates a routine and its easy to become scattered and distant from the fresh outpouring of the Hold Spirit. I don't want to miss anything! .

I look at David, and Mary( Jesus' mom) and also Mary of Bethany in the Bible who had such a hunger for more of His presence that they swayed the Father's heart through their desperation.

David tasted of His tangible presence hundreds of years before the Holy Spirit was released but God had compassion because His word says in Matthew 6: 

" Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God."

 It is those who chose to lay it all down every day at His feet deciding once and for all that His presence and His face is way more important and needed than any other thing/person that will sway His heart.

Mary of Bethany poured out 20,000 dollars worth of perfume on the feet of Jesus because she saw His face and knew that was all she wanted. She wanted Him, not her lifetime inheritance that would take care of her for a long time. She decided to waste herself on Jesus...to become spare change in His pocket and please the Father's heart. She was mocked for her acts. They said why didn't she do this instead? Why not give your time or money here? She knew where she wanted to be and she camped out there and because of this our Lord Jesus left that place smelling like she did.. and she smelt like him. The fragrance of her wastefulness went with him to the cross and to be forever talked about as He promised. She knew she was the joy set before him. It was her acts... her heart that brought him to the cross. It wasn't the nails that held him there... it was Mary. It was the Mary in all of us... the desperate heart that will lay it all at his feet. Fully attentive to Him. To learn. To give. To gaze. To become wasted on Jesus is my goal so that after Jesus and I hang out... I smell like him and people know where I have been.

Proverbs 27: 7 says..."but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet". 

For you will not delight in a burnt sacrifice....the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit. A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:16-17 

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; He chose what is weak in the world to shame what is strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are. 1 Corinthians 1:27-28

Coloring outside of the lines

Well, I created this blog as a place to share what God is doing in, through and around me.

He is so ridiculously good. To sum things up a little, I have spent these last few months since being home from Africa learning to understand what this quote means:

"Radical people don't worry about tomorrow...there is no reason in faith that today can't be the best day of your life." - Papa Rolland Baker

I have set out to become radical in everything that I do. What does that really look like day in and out? Well, I don't have all the answers but I do know that when our gaze is on Jesus and our energy is given to becoming like Jesus, we suddenly realize that nothing else really matters. We see that when we see Him each day that our day becomes the best day ever. The Word says we go "from glory to glory"... it only gets better! We will just continue to see more and more of Him if we chose to.

Now, this hasn't been an easy road because I also came home from my three months away in Africa surrounded by radically given people praying something that I knew was dangerous.

I started praying for faith and patience...If we have those two things then we are good to go! We can jump over any mountain and scale any wall.I assumed I was coming home to pack my bags and hit the road around the globe with these crazy laid down lovers. Little did I know that this would bring me into a nursing home looking after 60 confused, lonely and angry people. It is roaming these halls and sitting with these people that I am learning humility, faith, patience, and unconditional love. It is here that I am blinded to the future, feeling the sweet grace and love of the Father and given the choice every night to love despite the fact that I will say the exact same thing the next night answering the exact same questions over and over again.

It is here I face the challenge of finding Him in everything. I believe that is the start to becoming radical. Choosing, despite the circumstances, to find Him in everything and being grateful for that moment that He chose to meet me and making the hard decision to say," You are good.... thank you for where I am at. I know you are good and I know you have the best for me."

Its not about what we know but its about who He is. Embracing this is the start to a life full of joy, peace and unconditional love. I am realizing I don't have to know what tomorrow holds. I am learning to ask, what is the Father saying and doing today? He didn't heal every single sick person, or go out and minister to every single person around the world. He listened and obeyed in the every day life and only moved when the Father moved. He allowed the Father to break his heart for things that breaks the Father's heart.

That to me is being radically given.