These last couple of months have been an incredible time. I am so blessed to be living in such a time as this. I am eating up the precious times of getting to know my amazing house mates, my family, my church family and old/new friends. I am enjoying working part-time and being involved with my church community. Our church had an incredible time of breakthrough in the last couple weeks as we have pressed in to make the One Thing..well our "one thing". There has been an increase in excitement, freedom and grace as we have returned to the power of the cross. We have had an revelation of the simplicity and power of the Gospel as we have stepped out in faith and hit the streets with the raw real Gospel and left the rest up to Jesus. We have seen almost 30 people come to Christ in the last couple weeks!! People are just waiting for the Body to be bold and step out and see people be blasted in love with the truth of who God really is. I was brought to my knees with tears in my eyes as three people this last Sunday came to the front to get prayer and confess that they had just received Jesus into their lives. Tears freely fell as I watched the body gather around them and celebrate and support them in the best decision of their lives.
If I could describe this season that I am in now, I would say that the Lord has me in His haze. I feel His presence but yet have no idea what is next and what is to come. It is a challenging tension because I feel the pull of wanting to commit everything to sharing the Gospel and sharing his love to the streets but at the same time I feel the most grace and draw to just rest and be in His presence. I find myself just wanting to read, and soak up anything about past revival or heroes of the faith that I can get my hands on. I just want to rest and really be constantly filled with his love and compassion. I am starting to grasp, with fighting to put all shame and condemnation aside, that rest is a weapon. Heidi Baker says, "I would rather lay down and look like a fool than try to stand up in my own strength."
I am learning that His presence is truly all that I want. I am finding such joy and tangible presence through worshipping in this haze. It is here that my worship has become purified because it is here in this mist that I can finally say," You are all I want."
In this place of laying everything down, I am realizing places that I have walked in fear of man. I am learning (slowly but hopefully permanently) to really go slow and ask the Lord what to put my hand to. I have been so involved for so many years that my identity has been wrapped partially in what I do. If it takes hiding away for months or even years to truly grasp the heart cry of David, " One thing I desire and I seek is to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. "(Ps. 27) then it is worth it to me.
I have just read the "Final Quest" by Rick Joyner and in it he encounters many people of the faith that have died and are now in eternity. Over and over again the advice that they give him is to love the people, walk in humility and love, don't get caught in an organization that you forget the people, and most importantly don't let the "One thing" every become anything other than number one in your life. I think this is something that we will never officially master here in earth. This life is about a constant surrender and refocusing on our one-to-one status with our true Love. Another author Peter Greig in his book, "Red Moon Rising" says one of his greatest fears was:
"what if the Lord packed up and left today and we didn't notice until tomorrow or the next day?"
What if were are so wrapped up in agenda that we don't even realize when the Holy Spirit comes and goes? I have decided to pray the dangerous prayers and lay anything and everything down in order to never miss out on the true agenda.
I read this passage in a book by Loren Cunningham (the founder of YWAM) and it sums up what I am feeling and wanting more of:
"God promised Joshua that "every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you. God didn't say the sole of his shoe but the sole of his foot. Being barefoot is the sign of humility, of having given up all. To the barefoot, God promises possessions of the nations, to rule and reign with Jesus, the returning King of kings and Lord of lords."
He goes on to say that, "Jacob wrestled with God- was wounded at the hip and became a Prince, a leader of a nation...but he limped for the rest of His life...every strong man or woman of God has gone this route..the choice is yours: remain in mediocrity and miss out on God's greater purpose for your or walk with a limp and be a prince.."
This has opened my eyes to the power of humility. Jesus laid down every single human right that we have a sense of entitlement to. He isn't asking us to give up anything that He didn't give up. He knows the price but the reward is eternal and completely fulfilling. The enemy wants to keep us busy and full of pride so that we wont lay down what we have for the greater...the inheritance and plans of our Father.
"The Lord is closer to the homeless than to kings- you only have the strength to the degree that you walk in the grace of God. He gives grace to the humble."
- another quote from the "Final Quest"
It really shows how the kingdom is an upside down kingdom where the first shall be last and the last shall be first.
"The more confidence you lose in yourself the more confidence you will have in Him" - The Final Quest- Rick Joyner
